I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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