He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
