gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
