I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
