Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
