I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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