Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
farters have to be the big spoon...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
