Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
