I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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