Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
