I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
