My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
