Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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