I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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