This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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