??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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