did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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