At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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