their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
