Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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