how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
