Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize