so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
