fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
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