I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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