I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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