Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
