I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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