I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
