I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
