My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
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