Hey man sorry I got all grabby
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
