College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
