the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize