low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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