If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
