When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
