is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
