And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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