wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
