just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
