I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
even my farts smell like vagina
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
