I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
