Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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