i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
