I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
