my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
