Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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