the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
