brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
