I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
