You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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