i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Ketchup is God's man juice
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
