Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize