i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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