I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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