it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
