i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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