im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
