You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Boobs speak an international language.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
