there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think I am morally bankrupt
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize