Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
