ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
