Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
