I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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