paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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