just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
