if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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