Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
