Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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