if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
