He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
