She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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