she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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