I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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