Im at strip club and am horny
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
