I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
