i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So many bounce houses so little time
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
