Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
