A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
