The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The adults are the big ones right?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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