i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
