I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We are all done wearing pants today
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
