So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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