You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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