The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
