I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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