Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
