I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
