Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize