Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
