dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
