Ambien. No doubt about it.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
