He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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