So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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