all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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