I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
vagina is talking i cant
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
