you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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