Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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